February 14th
‘I was wrong to buy this notebook, very wrong.’ I had to chuckle when I read that for I’ve said the same thing to myself many times and I have a shelf full of blank notebooks to prove it. I loved the sound of this book as I am a journal writer. In fact, initially, I thought it was the diary of an Italian/Cuban author, but it isn’t. It’s a novel. The narrative is in the form of a journal. I looked up at my shelf of completed diaries and realised that I’ve written several books over the years! However I don’t think that publishing mine would make very interesting reading. They’re not what you would call novel. And not nearly as interesting as this promises to be. Valeria Cossati is the protagonist and she seems terrified from the outset that anybody in her household should suspect that she is keeping a diary. She lives with her husband and two children. I’m with her on this one. I wouldn’t want anybody to read my diaries. Diaries are like having a conversation with yourself. It’s a place where you can say anything and everything that you want to. And that includes things that you might not want to say to other people, those who are dear to you and those who aren’t! So I get that she doesn’t want anyone to take a sneak peek. But in some ways her fear seems irrational. So that got me wondering why. I was trying to date when the action takes place. And I think it must be between the two world wars. And as it is in Italy, perhaps the political climate made everybody a little fearful and anxious? Valeria also spends a great deal of time finding hiding places for the journal and is challenged as to when she can actually sit down to write. Some of that is because she doesn’t want anybody to know she’s writing. That must be dreadful. My diary is on hand all the time and I scribble in it at any point during the day and any where I feel like it! But then it’s different when you live alone. I nearly always write with a fountain pen too. She doesn’t mention what she uses to write with but for me, using proper ink gives the words a greater validity.
February 15th
I’m feeling quite sorry for Valeria. The family would seem to take her for granted. It seems they have fallen on lean times because she has to work in an office to make ends meet and it seems that is not the done thing in good society and her mother seems to disapprove. But she seems to relish going to work. She seems to take her role as wife and mother quite seriously, but I found some of her exchanges with her children quite detached, harsh even. They are both grown up or in later adolescence at least, but I can’t remember my mum ever talking to me like that, even if she disagreed with what I was doing. Mind you, I don’t think I was doing what Valerias’s daughter was doing. I suppose as this is a diary I haven’t got to worry about spoilers, but somehow I’m not willing to give too much away just in case. For me my diary writing fulfils a number of functions. It helps me remember what I’ve done, where I’ve been, what I’ve thought and it helps me try and make sense of this curious thing we call life. And I think it’s the same for Valeria. But because diary keeping seems to be very much an unfamiliar activity she’s learning a lot about herself and her life and I’m not sure she necessarily likes what she’s learning.
February 16th
The writing is very good. Very literary. She’s an intelligent woman. There are plenty of descriptions and through her diary I’m getting to know her family. It feels like she’s desperately trying to analyse her life and her relationships with her husband and children. But she seems to be floundering, not quite certain what conclusions she can reach.. And there is a potential situation developing with her boss in the office. That could work out to be quite interesting. I think it’ll give another dimension to her diary certainly. She has considered whether she should take the diary to work and write in it there, but again that same fear of somebody finding out and knowing that she’s keeping a journal seems to bother her immensely. It’s interesting because all of my diaries are on the same shelf and potentially anybody who comes to my house could pick one up and read it. I don’t actually think they would. I wonder too if people are really interested in reading other peoples diaries? I’m enjoying reading this one, but deep down I know it’s a novel. But I have read diaries. In fact I’ve got on order a new translation of Franz Kafka‘s diaries. And I’ve recently read Alan Rickman‘s diaries. But the thing is this I feel guilty when I do it. Because I know that the writers never intended the words in their diaries to be read. Maybe that’s why Valeria is so anxious. She doesn’t want others to have that guilt.
February 20th
Things are gathering pace. Both kids have presented Valeria with challenges and I think she’s beginning to question the whole notion of what it is to be a woman in the current world, She’s struggling because the contrast between her generation and the next is marked. She is questioning her role as mother and wife, and seems confused by how she’s feeling and how the role is perceived by others. It’s as if she’s damned if she does and damned if she doesn’t. As I suspected there is a situation that has developed between her and the director of the office where she works. I haven’t said much about the relationship she has with her husband. On the surface, they seem like a devoted couple, but when you dig a little deeper, I found him to be a little patronising towards her. Her loyalty is commendable. But it’s as if she’s mainly playing a role. I don’t think she dislikes him and she reminisces about how things were in the early days of their relationship. I think she feels trapped.
February 21st
Oh my days! I didn’t expect it to end like this. It’s something I could never ever do. But you never know if she goes ahead with it or not. I guess she must because it’s the end of the book. I guess she was too frightened of her own feelings and the realisation that she is an unfulfilled woman.but she’s been on a journey, and I hope she’s come out of it the other side, knowing a little more about herself and about women.
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